Moeser Lane On Fire In El Cereito
A runaway truck has knocked out the power in El Cerrito and some neighboring cities, including Berkeley and Richmond and caused a fire on Moeser Lane. Ruben Sharma, who lives across from the house where the crash happened, said he was heading back to work at 1:30pm today when he heard the crash. Sharma also said, "First, i thought it was a major earthquake. This is unbelievable."
El Cerrito police Detective Sgt Shawn Maples was among the first rescue workers to arrive at the scene. The 10-wheel hauler over-turned and smashed into a home on Moeser Lane. Sgt Maples said he heard cries coming from the burning truck and house. He was able to grab the driver, who was lodged between the wheels of the truck, to safety with the help from Police Chief Scott Kirklar and Detective Ken Zinc. Maples said "We dragged him out in a heart beat while the truck went up in flames. I just wanted to get him out of there."
Two other vechiles were hit by the over turned truck. There was a sports utility vehicle that apparently had a man and boy inside that had ended up stuck in some shrubbery beside the burning house. The other was a Honda Sedan that was crumpled so terribly that the driver was trapped inside. Rescue workers had to peel back the roof to free the driver out to safety.
The driver of the truck broke both legs in the crash. He's listed in serious but stable condition at John Muir medical center in Walnut Creek.
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Your lead needs to be one sentence, not two.
ReplyDeleteSharma's quote is colorful, but not that informative, so I'd explain more about what happened before I quoted him.
P2 seems out of order. First tell me the truck crashed into a house, then tell me about Sgt. Maples and the rescue.
Make each quote its own paragraph. Preferred quote format:
"We dragged him out in a heart beat while the truck went up in flames," Maples said. "I just wanted to get him out of there."
Fact error: You got the police chief's name wrong.
Other errors: I, p.m., overturned, there was (passive voice), sport utility, sedan
* "to free the driver" or "to get the driver out."
0/25 - fact error, please revise